Jayfeather: All Mothwing is gonna do is get a nice nap!
Mothwing: What is this bigoted blasphemy?
Alderkit: Are we never going to mention the fact that I have two dead siblings?
Sparkkit: Alderkit! We're going to be apprentices, aren't you excited?
Alderkit: Kind of... What if we have to take some sort of exam?
Sparkkit: Haven't you been paying attention for the last half a year?
Alderkit: StarClan, no. I'm not going to be a warrior.
Sparkkit: What?
Squirrelflight: I'm so proud of you two!
Bramblestar: As am I, your father. Yep. Your father! Your fATHER
Sparkkit: What's dad going on about?
Bramblestar: I have daddy issues.
Ivypool: My bets are on Sparkkit becoming the next leader.
Brightheart: What happened to me getting an apprentice, Bramblestar?
Bramblestar: Do you really want another apprentice-turned-medicine cat?
Cherryfall: We're going to have so much fun, Sparkpaw!
Molewhisker: Have you ever considered that time is made up and gender is a social construct?
Sparkpaw: Isn't hunting so fun?
Alderpaw: Yeah, sure.
Sparkpaw: I've caught so much prey so far! Cherryfall said I did amazingly!
Alderpaw: Say I'm useless already.
Molewhisker: *whispers* Hey Cherr, is your apprentice on steroids?
Cherryfall: *also whispers* She's Firestar's kin, it's basically a part of the Warrior Code by now.
Alderpaw: All these flavours, and you choose to be salty.
Alderpaw: It's been a half-moon of training, and I still haven't caught anything.
Sparkpaw: Jesus Firestar, you are useless.
Sparkpaw: It's our first gathering, Alderpaw!
Alderpaw: I'm pretty sure there are like at least five senior warriors who have never been to a gathering before.
Molewhisker: Some day, Cherryfall and I will take you out hunting at night.
Sparkpaw: What are those?
Cherryfall: I don't appreciate you usage of old memes.
Sparkpaw: ...
Alderpaw: ...
Cherryfall: Those are fireflies.
Sparkpaw: Killjoy.
Alderpaw: I hate my life.
Cherryfall: I can introduce you to some cats, if you want!
Sparkpaw: Nah, we're good.
Alderpaw: Sparkpaw, do you know the definition of social anxiety?
Sparkpaw: Look, ShadowClanners! I'm sure this won't backfire in any way whatsoever!
Needlepaw: Hi, these are my siblings who you don't care about and will never see again.
Sparkpaw: We're from ThunderClan!
Needlepaw: Oh, so you guys like to boss around the other Clans?
Sparkpaw: No!
Alderpaw: Yeah.
Beepaw: Who are you?
Alderpaw: The voice of reason.
Onestar: Crowfeather led a patrol to keep an eye on them...
Sparkpaw: They have to mention him, or he'll become irrelevant.
cats at the Gathering: ALDERPAW! SPARKPAW!
Alderpaw: I crave the sweet embrace of death.
Sparkpaw: This is what fame feels like, bro!
Needlepaw: ShadowClan has lots of apprentices, Rowanstar doesn't know what to do with them!
Sparkpaw: That's nice, sweetheart.
Rowanstar: The medicine cats will now speak on behalf of their Clans.
Alderpaw: That's Littleclous from ShadowClan.
Sparkpaw: And that's Kestrelflight of WindClan.
Needlepaw: Oh congrats, you recognized some of the most important cats in the Clans!
Sparkpaw: There's no need to be such a sourpuss.
Kestrelflight: Firestar spoke to us first.
Needlepaw: Of-f**king-course.
Firestar: *Up in StarClan* Congratulations, you played yourself.
Alderpaw: (intense feelings of self-doubt and premonition)
Random Cat Numero Uno: Maybe it's ShadowClan?
Ratscar: if you ask me, what should be embraced is a bit more respect for senior warriors.
Cloudtail: (stands up from beside Whitewing and Brightheart) Hey guys I have a family remember
Sparkpaw: Maybe we'll find the shadowy thing and save ThunderClan!
Alderpaw: Foreshadowing?
Alderpaw: My aunt is staring at me and I feel violated.

Molewhisker: You're useless.
Alderpaw: I already suffer from crippling self-esteem issues.
Molewhisker: Let's hunt in a different part of the forest. Maybe you'll do better without Sparkpaw.
Alderpaw: Fat chance, I can't do anything right!
Molewhisker: Everyone sucks and you should feel bad.
Bramblestar: My den for a word, please, Molewhisker.
Molewhisker: Of course. Alderpaw, you can have something to eat.
Sparkpaw: Here, share my thrush.
Alderpaw: I am surrounded by others who care about me but yet I feel so empty inside.
Alderpaw: Oh no, they're talking about me!
Bramblestar: You have a new destiny: you will become a medicine cat apprentice.
Alderpaw: Ah geez!

tbc! thanks for all the comments!

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