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Written by: Clever

Tigerclaw: Oakheart! Get off my swamp!
Oakheart: Never! After tonight, Tigerclaw, this'll just be another RiverClan hunting grounds!
Tigerclaw: Who said anything about hunting grounds?
Redtail: Tigerclaw, there are too many RiverClan warriors!
Tigerclaw: Dangit Redtail, ThunderClan never surrenders!
Redtail: ThunderClan honours your courage, Tigerclaw, but we must retreat.
Tigerclaw: Nonsense! *slaps*
Tigerclaw: THIS. IS. SPARTA! *Kills Redtail*
Bluestar: Have ghosts talked to you yet?
Spottedleaf: NAH
/Shooting star plummets to the ground/
Spottedleaf: I now suddenly have a prophecy! That random shooting star meant this logical illogical nonsense: *puts flashlight under chin* Fire alone will save our Clan.
Bluestar: Fire? But fire is feared by all Clans! Not to mention it can burn the book we're in.
Spottedleaf: *Slap* Stop breaking the fourth wall!
/Food rattles/
Rusty: Gosh darn food, I was about to catch that real fake mouse!
Smudge: You're not going into the woods, are you?
Rusty: On second thought, no.
Rusty: Erins?
Smudge: Never mind.
Rusty: RAWR!
Graypaw: NOES D:
Rusty: *Pins Graypaw*
Graypaw: My, you're quite a spectacle, pretty young thaaaang. And you fight well for a fat kittypet.
Rusty: *Blush* Thanks?
/Bluestar and Lionheart show up/
Rusty: I just wanted to hunt a little. A mouse or two wouldn't put a dent in your supply, would it?
Graypaw: *Makes cutting throat motion*
Bluestar: Oh, you would say that! If you actually lived with us, you would know how hard it is to support a Clan! You ungrateful swine!
Rusty: Jeez, sorry.
Bluestar: *thinks* Hmm... speaking of that... you're orange, wanna join our Clan?
Lionheart: Racist.
Bluestar: Shush. Do you want to?
Graypaw: Join us! We can sleep in the same den, and share a nest!
Lionheart: Graypaw...
Graypaw: I mean, train together as apprentices.
Rusty: Can I think about it?
Bluestar: We all know you're coming to live with us.
Rusty: Smudge! The wild cats invited me into their Clan!
Smudge: OH EM GEE! No way!
Rusty: Yes way! And I think I'm gonna join them!
Smudge: *Gasp* You're leaving me, your BFFL?
Rusty: Now I feel bad.
Lionheart: This is Whitestorm.
Whitestorm: Hello.
Rusty: ...
Lionheart: Have you chosen yet?
Rusty: ...
Rusty: I smell cats.
Whitestorm: No, really??
Rusty: Yes, really.
Whitestorm: *facepaw* How dumb can you get?
Rusty: Varies.
Lionheart: Here's the nursery, where the kits are cared for.
Rusty: *Faux British accent* They're so bloody cute!
Lionheart: Yes, kits are quite adorable.
Rusty: Dude I was talking about the queens.
Lionheart: Pedo!
Longtail: Once a kittypet, always a kittypet!
Bluestar: Shut up, I've heard that one before!
Longtail: Ready to fight, kittypet?
Rusty: Yeah, you wanna go brah?
Longtail: Yes, actually!
Rusty: Yay, let's go to Harvey's!
Rusty: *Murders Longtail's ear*
Ear: Ow! D:
Bluestar: You shall be named Firepaw, in honour of your flame-coloured pelt.
Firepaw: Racist.
Bluestar: Hush child.
Graypaw: This is the apprentice's den, where we sleep.
Firepaw: It's awfully small.
Graypaw: That's why some of us have to double up ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) *Eyebrow wiggle*
Firepaw: *blushu*
Graypaw: We'll see if the elders offer us some food. That's a great honour.
Firepaw: Who would want to eat with those old farts?
Graypaw: Still haven't tasted mouse?
Firepaw: No, but I assume it's warm and chewy, and bloody...
Graypaw: Just eat the rodent!
Firepaw: NOT YET
Graypaw: Smallear smells trouble!
Firepaw: Is that possible?
Ravenpaw: Redtail is dead!
Bluestar: NOES! D:
Ravenpaw: *Shivers violently* I.. I..
Graypaw: Ravenpaw, stop being such a scaredy cat!
Firepaw: Was that a pun?
Spottedleaf: Tigerclaw, you can't push your apprentice so hard! He's hurt!
Tigerclaw: ...
Spottedleaf: You wouldn't object to your pretty little medicine cat, would you? *bats eyelashes*
Tigerclaw: *Blushu* Of course not...
Tigerclaw: Is this our new *unbelievably censored*?
Spottedleaf: TIGERCLAW!!! >:(
Graypaw: Yup.
Firepaw: What's a *unbelievably censored*?
Spottedleaf: FIREPAW!!!!! >:O Tigerclaw, look what you've done!
Graypaw: *Stone-faced expression* This is the highrock.
Firepaw: Dang. You look so focused.
Graypaw: I take my job very seriously.
Firepaw: *Whispers immature fart joke*
Graypaw: Sup all my homeboys and girls?
Elders: Hi Graypaw!
Dappletail: Hey Gray! Did you check out the newest edition of Rolling Pebbles with the memoirs of David Meowie?
Graypaw: No way! Sounds far out!
Smallear: I can lend it ta ya', Gray!
Firepaw: Did I just walk into a cult?
One-eye: Yeah, take that mouse. We don't give a damn.
Graypaw: pls just eat the mouse now.
  • Graypaw, Firepaw, and Ravenpaw are doing the macarana*
Tigerclaw: No fun allowed.
Lionheart: *Godly light shines down*
Firepaw: *Looks at Redtail* Should we join them?
Graypaw: Nope. Only cats closest to him.
Firepaw: I mean, when he was brought back to camp I was standing pretty close to the body.
Graypaw: You are so dumb.
Sandpaw: *Wrinkles nose* He smells like a kittypet!
Firepaw: You smell like a b*tch.
Whitestorm: Nice one!
Firepaw: These ferns are a delicate shade of green.
Graypaw: Is that a direct quote?
Firepaw: Yup.
Firepaw: *Lies down in nest*
Graypaw: You're finally a member of ThunderClan! How does it feel?
Firepaw: Pretty great. I reckon it only took, like, 10,000 words.
Graypaw: *Presses moss to Firepaw's face* Fourth wall broken...
Tigerclaw: Unimpressive. I expect both of you to be punctual.
Graypaw: Killjoy.
Firepaw: What does punctual mean?
Tigerclaw: The fumes here can make a kit go blind.
Graypaw: It'll be quiet for a while longer though, until greenleaf.
Firepaw: Huh.
Lionheart: Where's the punchline?
Tigerclaw: The Twolegplace lies in that direction. No doubt you can smell it, but today, we are going to head the other way.
Firepaw: *Tears up* My people.

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