Made by ~Patchfeather~
This is a spoof about a lazy annoying warrior known as Blazetail, and his quest that might change the way he views the world...
Cats in the Clan Edit
**from Blazetail's view**
Leader: A fat annoying cat
Med Cat: i'm too lazy
deputy: just waiting for the leader to die...
A bunch of cats who all act the same, mindless, rude, STUPID
Elders: I want them to die
I'm too lazy to do the rest
Chapter 1 Edit
My Clan, ThunderClan, really, really, REALLY sucks, it's in a forest, first of all, forests are messy, my pelt is COVERED in leaves, that's outraging! MY pelt, dirty, and THEN, I have to hunt, that's right hunt. Do you know how HARD that is? no, no you don't. Your just sitting there, on your computer, eating chips, all lazy... and annoying... while I work my tail off all day hunting, when I should be the one sitting around all day, ME!
The foods just plan disgusting, blood and fur, no, I need bread, yeah, with some chips, yeah that sounds good. Ugh, my tail has a tangle in it, a tiny tangle, it's so annoying, I can barely walk. And THEN I have to patrol, my paws hurt from it because it's so hard.
Anyway, yeah, that's pretty much all I think about is how annoying and hard everything is, BECAUSE IT IS. So we leave by the lake with stupid WindClan next door, they are super annoying, always judge everyone, act all big and mighty, but as soon as there's a threat, run away and hide, or stay and fight, but lose in like, one hit.
And ShadowClan rampaging on the other hand, always crossing the stupid border, acting all emo and annoying, thinking they are cool for acting like that when we laugh at them behind their backs. OH WOW, YOU HAVE COLD MOUNTIN (whatever that word even is) WINDS BLOWING DOWN ON YOUR HOME, MAKES YOU ALL COLD AND HEARTLESS, RIGHT? and then there's RiverClan. RiverClan's just sort of there.
And then there are my mooron Clanmates. First our leader, Bramblestar, he's down right annoying, tells me to do stuff, but then he just sits up in his den all day sleeping. Then dumb deputy Squirrelflight, she thinks she's all that. Oh, then there's Jayfeather and Leafpool, Jayfeather can go fall off a cliff for all I care, and Leafpool, she's so old and acts all knowing, yeah we get it! YOUR OLD, SO YOUR WISE.
I don't even know the names of our warriors, we have a ton because the writers suddenly can only kill one guy per book. Let's see, Cloudtail, he can go die in a ditch, Brightheart, get over your face already, don't get all crying over a puddle, yeah we get it, your ugly. Brackenfur just sort of hovers around and agrees with everyone, Spiderleg, I think he's dead, Rosepetal, your five right? you really should be dead by now, Whitewing, die, Birchfall, whines too much, Ivypool, kinda emo, Dovewing, such a bitch, Bumblestripe tries be friends with everyone and I HATE HIM FOR IT.
Blossomfall, eh, whatever her sisters name, she should be dead by now...
"Blazetail!" a voice calls me over to the highrock. I was so wrapped up in my dreams of my Clanmates dying I didn't notice Bramblestar call a meeting. I walk over to who called me, Sorrelstripe, I'm around her age, along with her litter-mates who I hope are dead.
"Sparkkit and Alderkit are becoming apprentices!" Fernsong (darn) exclaims from beside Sorrelstripe. "So?" I ask in my smooth handsome voice. "So maybe we'll get one!" Sorrelstripe meows happily. I don't reply. It's extra work, and I know Bramblestar wouldn't let me apprentice one of his kits. "Blazetail wouldn't get one anyway, he used to be a kittypet," Hollytuft mutters to Fernsong. Wow, that's the only thing they noticed about me, that I used to be a kittypet, NOT the fact that I hate my Clan.
Fernsong nods, giving me a slick glance. Like I care. "...Sparkpaw, your mentor will be Hollyberry! Alderpaw, your mentor will be BLAZETAIL," wait, huh? The whole Clan turns to look at me like I throwing up rainbows.
"He's giving his kit to Blazetail?"
"Welp, Alderpaw's a gonner!"
I don't even listen to their yammering, instead, my minds whirling. Me? why me? above all the other idiots, why ME? I DON'T WANT AN APPRENTICE! I give Bramblestar a glare that says your a dead man, but he doesn't seem to notice, instead gives me a happy nod to the cowering Alderpaw. He thinks my death look is fear? he's dumber then I thought.
I roll my eyes and sigh loudly, and stomp heavily over to Alderpaw and bend down, looking away, to touch my nose to his. Alderpaw gives me a stupid startled look and hastily stands on his tippy toes and gives my nose a nice tap.
The Clan looks around at each other for a moment or two then starts slowly chanting the weaklings names.
Wait, the mentors names aren't yowled? WHY? WE'RE DOING THE REAL WORK HERE, WE DESERVE TO BE CHANTED TOO, no, we are the only ones who deserve to be chanted. Whatever, their wailing is giving me a headache, I really wish I had something to eat right now...
"Blazetail?" I hear the annoying creaky voice of Alderpaw beside me. "What are w-we doing?" he pretty much sheriks in my ear, he's way too high-pitched for being as old as he is.
More Coming Soon